Latest Questions and Comments

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

From what you describe, it appears your difficulty stems from a kind of performance anxiety. Although you obviously are highly aroused having sex with your wife, the thought that you are doing something she does not want to do is most likely interfering with your ability to climax. The more you want to orgasm and don't, the more you worry about it. The more you worry about it, the less likely it is to happen, resulting in both parties finding the end result frustrating. Even if your wife was in the mood to start with, regular, hour long sex sessions that don't end in climax when that is the desired goal, might leave her feeling like she is doing something wrong as well. There are many things to consider here. You and your partner have different sexual appetites. This problem is not uncommon. Many couples find their sexual needs differ, or change from being the same to another level. The fact that you have talked about your differing needs implies the two of you have open communications and a willingness to work together. You have reached a compromise, which is a good start. These are all signs of a healthy relationship. You have a great starting point. Try to remove pressure from yourself to orgasm when you do have sex. You know you can orgasm, you can do it when you masturbate. What makes it better when you are having sex with your wife? The joy of being intimate. Spend some time concentrating on the pleasure of being together, instead of the end result. Focus on the pleasure of being intimate with your wife, enjoying each other. Better yet, why not have a few nights thinking more about what your wife finds arousing in bed. She may open up to you and ask for a massage with scented oil, a night of jut being held and stroked, or kissed, who knows what she really wants? You will if you ask. If you are worried an activity will go on too long (because there is no 'finish' as in orgasm), agree with your wife beforehand about how long you will spend being intimate; that the goal isn't to reach orgasm, but to enjoy feeling good together. It is also worth noting that men and women can be wired quite differently when it comes to sex. Where men are usually very visual, thus the sight of your wife may be enough to turn you on, women tend to be more sexually motivated through emotional closeness and harmony. Generally, men compartmentalize sex from everything else in their life; women see everything connected to everything. Give her more emotional intimacy before sexual intimacy. This can be done through simple things like affectionate looks and embraces, or even making a cup of tea! Things you may take for granted could be taking up her whole day: cooking, cleaning, work, children, making it difficult to switch to thinking about her own physical needs, whereas you've been thinking all day "Tonight's the night!" Help her with things, bathe the children and put them to bed, giving her time to relax before getting into bed with you. You may find it makes a world of difference! Eventually, she may find she's looking forward to your intimate evenings together, wanting them more often! As I said, there are many things to consider, but I hope this has given you a starting point. If you have more information you would like to share about your situation, please do so and we will try our best to help!

Answered by Mara Ranieri Davey on 16th August 2010 at 18:02

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Thank you for contacting us. In the majority of men the colour of the glans can vary from pink to pale blue or purple.This is due to the blood vessels(capillaries) under the very thin skin that covers it. Colour may vary with the degree of erection, ambient temperature and whether the person is circumcised or not, and this colouration is quite normal, and for some this can be the normal colour. The foreskin discolouration may be due to a condition called Phimosis, which is the tightening for the foreskin. This is quite common and can vary from having virtually no effect to having a quite sever effect, but for the majority of men it has little to no effect. If you are still concerned about your glans and foreskin, we would recommend going and talking to you doctor, we appreciate that you may feel embarrassed about this but please be assured that doctors deal with these types of questions a lot more regularly than you would think, so will deal with you with respect and in confidence.

Answered by Tim Darch on 4th August 2010 at 12:29

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Hi, thanks for getting in touch with your question. As your partner was being treated for a chest infection, the antibiotics he received were specific to treat that illness. When the medicine he was using wasn’t working, another one was tried, possibly before the first course of treatment was finished. Some antibiotics are used to treat a number of infections, so, might clear up a different infection to the diagnosed one being treated. The kind of treatment prescribed to treat Chlamydia will vary, depending on who is giving the medication, allergies, and other variables, and the number of days you take the antibiotics will depend on the illness and the type of antibiotic medicine. The most common antibiotics used to treat Chlamydia are azithromycin, which comes in a single dose, or doxycycline, sometimes called vibramycin, which is taken once or twice a day for at least one week, possibly two. Azithromycin and doxycycline cure chlamydia in up to 95 out of 100 cases. Some people may not be able to take these medicines but are able to take a different one. There can be many variables with these treatments. Also, even if your partner had the correct antibiotic and dosage for treating Chlamydia, if he didn’t abstain from sexual activity,during the treatment and for a week after, he risks recurrence of the infection. So, in summary, though it seems logical to think that if he had the type of antibiotics sometimes used to treat Chlamydia, that he should not have carried the infection since treatment for his chest infection, it is entirely possible that the Chlamydia could have survived through his 4 antibiotic treatments. I hope this helps clarify things for you. Please get back to us if we can help or if you have any further concerns.

Answered by Mara Ranieri Davey on 30th June 2010 at 20:37

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Thanks for getting in touch with your concern. If you and your boyfriend have been in a monogamous relationship for few years, with you being tested regularly (for HIV and STI's)and having negative results, it is highly unlikely that he is HIV positive. There are a few things to consider though. It can, in vary rare instances, take years for a positive result. When you get tested for HIV, the test isn't for the virus itself, but for the HIV antibodies that your body makes to combat the HIV virus. For most people HIV antibodies show up in the blood within three months of being infected. If you test negative in three months then it's likely you are negative. In some rare cases it could take up to six months for HIV antibodies to show up in your blood. This would most likely only happen if your immune system is very weak and it takes a long time for your body to develop the HIV antibodies. If you get tested 3 months after your first test, without having put yourself in any risk in the meantime, then it is highly unlikely you are HIV+. It’s very, very rare that the HIV virus would go undetected after six months, but it can, unfortunately, happen. Possible? Yes. Likely? No. Also, in the unlikely event that either one of you is HIV+, it can take years for any symptoms of the virus to show. The best course of action to put your worries at ease would be for you to encourage him to be tested, possibly going along and being tested yourself. You clearly take your health seriously and may be able to put him at ease if he is uncomfortable in a medical setting, or with needles/injections, etc. With your support, he may be more willing to be screened, especially if you explain your concerns. Men’s Sexual Health offers a “Buddy Service”, whereby he can be accompanied to the Sexual Health Clinic, if he prefers not to go with someone he knows, but doesn’t want to go alone. I hope this helps. Please do get in touch if we can be of any further service or if you have any more questions.

Answered by Mara Ranieri Davey on 23rd June 2010 at 05:15

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Given your husband's age combined with the symptom of spontaneous ejaculation, the most likely cause of his problem is an enlarged prostate, resulting on oversensitivity. Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia (BPH) is a condition in which the prostate becomes enlarged as part of the aging process. Most commonly, it effects urination, often restricting the flow, or even in later stages, contributing to UTI's. When the Prostate, also referred to as 'the Male G-Spot' is stimulated or massaged, it can result in an orgasm without an erection. If your husband is doing work that requires abdominal loading or pelvic straining, it may be putting pressure on his potentially enlarged prostate, thus resulting in ejaculation. As for the difficulty ejaculating during sex, normally BHP would result in easier to attain ejaculation; however, it could be restricting with an erection. Being highly sexed is a good thing for your husband. Regular ejaculation allows testosterone to flow freely and is known to reduce the risk of prostate problems and cancer in men. Masturbation is sometimes recommended for men who experience delayed ejaculation issues. The best course of action is for your husband to speak to his GP. He will need to go further into detail about what kind of activities bring on ejaculation and if he is taking any kind of medication. Please encourage him to visit his GP as soon as he can. We’d love to hear back from you to find out what the final diagnosis is. Please don’t hesitate to contact us again if we can be of any help.

Answered by Mara Ranieri Davey on 21st June 2010 at 09:48

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

It appears that your foreskin injury has resulted in scarring possibly with a small amount of granulation, resulting in this tugging on your penis. Often, when a scar is formed, the skin can be tight and the scar tissue can be sensitive. Sometimes granulation can occur, which means there is an extra build up of cells during the healing process. When this occurs, the scar can be very sensitive and tight feeling. One way to work through this is with massage treatment. Use an emollient cream, such as aqueous cream, to massage the tight/scarred area, twice daily, to break down the scar and loosen the skin. This can take a long time, but with persistance, should provide relief. Please go speak to your gp if you have any further worries, but rest assured, you won't be told you need a circumcision on the first visit! Here is a link to a previous query ab out Phimosis, tightening of the foreskin, which may also be o use. http://www.wsmsh.org.uk/qa/showpost.php?id=143 I hope this helps. Please feel free to contact us with any further queries you may have.

Answered by Mara Ranieri Davey on 16th June 2010 at 07:14

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

We are a Wiltshire/Swindon based service in England, so are unable to advise you on a perscribing doctor local to you. It is important you do seek the advice of a doctor for a Viagra perscription, as there can be many reasons for needing the drug, some of which may require medical investigation. If you don't know where to start, you can try contacting Planned Parenthood. They offer men's health services including erectile dysfunction services, including education, exams, treatment, and referral. We hope this helps.

Answered by Mara Ranieri Davey on 19th May 2010 at 09:36 Edited by MSH

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

If I understand your question correctly, you'd like to know if you can still pass on a sexually transmitted infection, even if you have no symptoms. The answer is yes. Often a person can have an STI without showing any signs of being ill. One example is Chlamydia, where up to 80% of women and 50% of men will feel like nothing is wrong with them, even if they are infected. It is important to test yourself regularly, even if you feel fine, and to use protection when having sex, especially if you aren't sure you or your partner are free from infection. If you have any further questions, please feel free to ask.

Answered by Mara Ranieri Davey on 7th May 2010 at 18:54

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

We would strongly recommend seeking the advice of your own doctor with this. There are recognised post cystoscopy effects, but these normally will have gone within a few days, which in this case they do not appear to have.

Answered by Tim Darch on 4th May 2010 at 23:14 Edited by MSH