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My penis gets soft

Hi. I am a gay guy and I have been dating with my BF more than a year. Until 3 months ago I had always been bottom in my life, but recently I became versatile. The problem is my penis gets very soft when I try to have anal sex with him, the moment it touches his anu it gets very soft, which hurts him so much and makes me very mad :( It sometimes works and we can have regular sex but for the 4 weeks I cant be top :( when I hug him, he touches my dick and he sucks it, or I become bottom in bed my penis gets very hard, but not when I try to become top :( I am so worried that he might lose his interest and look for somebody else, which he mentioned last night that worried me a lot, cos I love him so much, so does he. So please I need an urgent solution to overcome this issue and to have regular sex life with my lover. Thanx