Q&As Sex Questions

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Hello and thanks for getting in touch with us. What you are describing is a case of Erectile Dysfunction. This is when a man finds it difficult to get or maintain an erection. There are generally two types of ED, Physiological or Psychological. Physiological issues include - deterioration of the arteries (this is more common in older men), diabetes, smoking, alcoholism, overweight, hormone problems. Psychological issues include, Stress: which could be job related, money issues, relationship issues etc, Anxiety: Once a man experiences ED, he may become overly worried that the problem will happen again. This can lead to "performance anxiety," or a fear of sexual failure, and consistently lead to ED, Guilt: A man may feel guilty that he is not satisfying his partner, Depression : A common cause of ED, depression affects a person physically and psychologically. Depression can cause ED even when a man is completely comfortable in sexual situations. Drugs used to treat depression may also cause ED, Low self-esteem: This can be due to prior episodes of ED (thus a feeling of inadequacy) or can be the result of other issues unrelated to sexual performance, also Childhood abuse has been related to ED. Some men suffer with more than one of the above issues, as some of these cause some of the others to occur.

Are you able to get an erection when you masturabte alone, if you are then it probably shows that there is nothing wrong physiologically with you and this it is more of a psychological issue.

We would recommend speaking to your GP/Doctor so they can determine if it a physiological issue or a psychological issue. The best way to solve psychological ED is therapy with a professional counsellor sex therapist. Discussing you anxiety and fears and concerns will be a big step in dealing with them and overcoming them. Being open and honest with your partner will help this, and may benefit in both attending therapy. If its physiological they will be able to run the appropriate tests and prescribe the right course of treatment for this, please do not seek medications online, you risk being prescribed the wrong medicine or worse, purchasing fake medicine that could end up doing more harm than good, so please make an appointment with your own doctor. But based on what you have said in your question, its prob psychological, performance anxiety, so counselling may help. Please let us know if we can be of further help.

Answered by team member Matt
1st November 2013

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

The problem you feel you are having actually sounds quite normal. After a man ejaculates, his penis usually becomes soft, returning to its smaller pre-erect state. He will usually need some time to recover, before he can have another erection and ejaculation. This recovery period is called the refractory period, and generally, is quicker for younger men. Some men can have an erection immediately afterwards, some can have a few orgasms/ejaculations in a few hours, whilst others take longer to become erect again. It all falls within the normal parameters of sexual health!

If you had difficulty maintaining an erection during sex, in your circumstance, the most likely cause would be mental; due to the problems you are having in your relationship. Erectile dysfunction, when your penis goes soft during when you don’t want it to, has many causes, both physical and mental and affects most men at some point in their life. To help prevent these kinds of problems in the future, you need to address your relationship issues with your girlfriend. If you've been fighting, even if you're having makeup sex, you most likely have residual worries that weigh on you that can affect you both. She may be experiencing similar feelings of worry, making it difficult for her to orgasm. If you two can work on your relationship issues, and not fight so much, it will no doubt ease the pressure you feel when you are having sex, as wedll as make life together happier! If you are finding that you ejaculate too quickly, again, your mind can play a large part in that. One thing you can try is using condoms, as they can help reduce sensitivity. There are also special condoms and lubricant you can use, that have a slight numbing effect on the penis, to help you last longer. The Delay brand, by Pasante or Performa by Durex, along with other store brands like Boots are specially made to help with premature ejaculation. These products prolong lovemaking by using a low dosage skin numbing ingredient like benzocaine, to reduce sensitivity and postpone orgasm. I hope this all helps. Please get back to us if you have any more questions or worries.

Answered by team member Mara
11th October 2010

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Thanks for getting in touch. The purpose of wearing a chastity device is orgasm denial, and this is either usuallly for personal sexual gratification or relationship reasons. Being denied orgasm will mean the prostate glad in the male anus will have a build up of seminal fluid (pre-cum) and because you are not masturbating or having sex, this will start to seep out, so yes this is normal to leak.

However please be aware, it is actually more healthy to ejaculate, the purpose of masterbation and/or sex is not just for pleasure but is advised for men to keep the prostate healthy. If you are in a chastity device to deny orgasm then you may want to look into milking the prostate, this will help have an orgasm and remove the build up but won't be for sexual gratification purposes. You say it has been for 3 weeks, please be aware if using such a device you remove it frequently for periods of cleaning, as it is very important that you keep the penis clean, to prevent infection and build up of smegma.

I hope this has helped your concern, please get in touch again if needed

Answered by team member Matt
30th August 2011

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

I don't know how effective cleaning with q-tips once a day would be, I understand you do a full clean once a week, but it would probably more advisable to remove the device once a day when in the shower or bath to clean the penis effectively.

Answered by team member Matt
5th September 2011

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Hello and thanks for getting in touch with us. There are two areas for erectile dysfunction, it is either a physiological issue or a psychological issue. As you are able to get an erection when masturbating, this shows it is not a physiological issue, just a psychological issue. What is it about pre-cum that causes you to lose your erection, as surely this also gets produced when you are masturbating. You seem to be suffering with some form of performance anxiety, you may benefit from some of sexual therapy/counselling to get over this issue. Please get in touch if you have further info/help needed.

Answered by team member Matt
11th September 2013

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

We all have different penis sizes and shapes. You can't change what you have, although there are a few surgical ways of trying to make your penis more prominent. But actually there are plenty of guys with a penis much shorter than your 4 inches who can and do have good sex. You might like to read the section on our website about penis size. We hope that this information helps, worrying about performance and size will unfortunately contribute to the problems you describe, try not to worry about it and try to focus on other aspects of sex. You might find this response to a previous question helpful too:

Question on Erectile Dysfunction

You say you are overweight, this almost certainly means that the base of your penis is hidden in some fat. It would look and measure more if you could lose weight – we have a section on ideal weight range for your height and weight loss help.

Answered by team member Dr Peter
9th January 2016

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Hello and thanks for contacting MSH. There is a condition that correlates having sex and getting headaches. These headaches are often brought on suddenly, without warning, at the point of orgasm, or during coitus. They can even occur during strenuous activity, (exertional or effort headache) unrelated to sexual activity.

The Coital headaches can strike before, during, or after sex. They also have been known to happen during masturbation as well.



There are three separate patterns for coital headaches



Sudden Onset - This headache comes on suddenly without warning and is characterized as explosive. It too can occur, before, during, or after sex. The explosive sudden onset headache produces a very painful and often throbbing type of headache. The headache starts at the base of the head and neck and works it way to the back of the eyes. This pattern of headache lasts for hours. The sudden onset coitus cephalgia (headaches) are the most common representing about 70% of the documented cases.



Subacute, crescendo headaches - occur in 25% of all cases reported. With this pattern of coital headache, the headache begins long before orgasm and starts out as a dull aching headache at the back of the head and grows in intensity as orgasm approaches. Nausea and vomiting can ensue but it rarely happens.



Postdural headache - The pain in this headache also starts at the back of the head and increases in intensity as the person stands up. This coital headache is often accompanied with nausea and vomiting. It is the rarest form of coital headache making up the last 5% of coital headache sufferers.



Possible causes for coital headaches..



It is generally believed that coital headaches are caused by the sudden rise in blood pressure associated with sexual activity. During the arousal stage the hands feet and head fill with blood as well the genital area. After sex the drop in pressure can cause pain in certain individuals. Coital headaches may also be triggered by the adrenaline in the body during sexual excitement.



Are women singled out for coital headaches?



No, both men and woman are subjected to coital headaches. It is not gender specific. Furthermore, more men than women suffer from this condition. The condition usually surfaces in men in their early 20's. Coital headaches can also go through a remission period and resurface later on.



Diagnostic Tests for coital headaches



Your doctor may order a CT scan, MRI, intercranial MRA, or special type of x-ray to determine if any blood vessels have ruptured (aneurism) or in anyway become damaged and at the same time, rule out other possible causes.



Treatments for coital headaches. Its be suggested that these bad headaches in women might be caused because the woman is holding her breath during the sexual experience. She suggests that a woman suffering from headaches take deep breaths to see if this helps.



Pain relievers and prescription medication is often prescribed before sexual activity to offset the pain. Also other method of prevention suggested are, Weight loss and exercise, Less strenuous sexual activity, less frequent sexual activity (once a day), Or adjusting the posture.



We would also suggest discussing this with you local GP/Doctor to rule out anything more serious in nature. We hope this has helped, please let us know if we can offer any further advice.

Answered by team member Matt
23rd August 2013

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like you are describing pre-cum, not all men get this, and those that do it can vary from just a little leak to a lot, but let me reasure you this is perfectly normall. Pre-cum is a clear fluid that emits from the tip of the penis when a man is sexually aroused, and its purpose is to act as a lubricant (please be aware this can transmit STI, HIV and can contain sperm if you are not using barrier methods such as condoms to have safe sex with). In very rare cases some men over produce this, if this is the case I would discuss with you GP if possible.

Regarding the cumming very fast, this could be for various reasons, and I wouldn't say it has anything to do with your pre-cum. Many men suffer from Premature ejaculation, a recent UK survey said 10% of male population had suffered with PE at some point in their life. Another European study classed PE as lasting around 1.8 mins, and with 7.3 mins being classed as normal, would you say you fall into this first category as what you class as PE might not be PE. There are initially 4 treatments for PE - 1) Distraction method - when you are nearing climax, think about something comepletely different than whats going on. 2) Applying a delay gel to your penis, this will decrease sensitivity and hopefully improve your duration. 3) Delay condoms, this are coated with the delay gel and with the added thickness of the condom this too will help improve your duration. 4) start stop method - when alone try masterbating till u reach the point where you are going to climax but stop yourself, repeat this 3 or 4 times to build up your own self control, and then allow yourself to climax, after a few times a week doing this, you should find yourself lasting longer.

Regarding the itchy end of your penis, if you masturbate too often then yes the penis could become sore, but there could also be other reasons, it could be a reaction to soap or cleaning product you are currently using, or it could be and Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI), again I would recommend going to you doctor/GP and explain your concerns and get tested as most STI's can be treated.

Please get back to us if you still have any further concerns.

Answered by team member Matt
7th July 2011

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Ejaculating very quickly ("premature ejaculation") is quite a common problem and it often settles down and stops happening as you get older and more experienced sexually.

When you are having sex with someone else, a longer period of foreplay without touching your penis can improve it for you both. Try to find things to do for each other which feel nice without any contact with your penis. Then, if you go inside her, if you pull out again soon before you reach a climax and you (or your partner) squeeze your penis hard below the head, this will usually stop the climax and after a few moments you can start again. You can also try this technique when you are masturbating and see if you can control your orgasm and cum later.

There is professional help available from sex therapists if you are able to see one of them

Answered by team member Dr Peter
9th January 2016

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

To keep the prostate healthy it is reccommended that at least once a week you should milk the prostate gland to allow the seminal fluids to drain through the penis - effectively pre-ejaculatory fluids - if left alone too long could develop bacteria and cause health issues.

Answered by team member Matt
5th September 2011

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Regarding the cleaning, a variety of bacterial infections could occur, including yeast infections, uriniary tract problems, which can lead to kindey infections, and the build up of smegma (the white substance) if not cleared away and cleaned could possibly lead to balanitis, this can depend of course if you are circumsised or not.

Regarding the prostate, research has shown that having ejaculations reduces the risk of developing prostate cancer, if you look at our news item on the front page, prostate cancer is the most common form of cancer in Men.

I hope this has helped inform you and others more. So long as you do clean the penis and milk the prostate, male chastity should be harmless.

Answered by team member Matt
7th September 2011

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Hello and thanks for contacting Men's Sexual Health. There is a fair lot to discuss here! For a start, only each individual person knows if they are a virgin. By this I mean that some people claim to be virgins for many reasons, one of which could be to ensure that the other person thinks they are STD/STI clean. I'm not saying the other person is lying, but it's something to keep in mind as only you can be sure of your own virginity. Also I might question the term "virgin" - does that mean they have not had penetrative sex, but have explored other sexual activity, or that they have had no sexual activity at all? Different people apply the term virgin in various ways depending on how much or what kind of sexual activity they have or haven't experienced. The concern is that one or both people who claim to be virgins may have had oral sex, for example, which DOES put them at risk of certain STI's/STD's. So, although a virgin in anal/vaginal sex, it doesn't mean 100% virgin or 100% free of STI/STD. What I'm saying is that if both are truly 100% virgins it is pretty unlikely that a transmission of an STI would occur - we would never say it's impossible as it would be wrong of us to suggest this. However, you need to be aware that sex with any new partner carries some amount of risk even if one or both claim to be virgins based on the information we discussed at the start. Also some people think they have no STI's because many STI's have no visible signs or symptoms.

Condoms offer the best protection against STI's and HIV, if you do not plan/want to use condoms we would suggest a visit to your local GUM clinic. You can go as a couple, you could both be tested and get the results together and then you would know for sure that you are both free from STI's. It may sound like a lot of bother, but you should never go ahead and have sex just because you both "claim" to be virgins as this might cause you harm without having all the information and knowledge of the possible risks. Having sex for the first time is a big step, please ensure it is something you both want and that neither partner is being pressured into something they are not ready for. We would also recommend using lube for anal sex; due to the lack of natural lubrication in the arse, this will also help reduce any pain.

Condoms offer the best protection against STI's/HIV, if you do not plan/want to use condoms we would suggest a visit to your local GUM clinic, you can go as a couple, you could both be tested and get the results together then you would know for sure that you are both free from STI's. It may sound like a lot to go through with, but we could never say go ahead and have sex because you both claim to be virgins to then put you at harm with out full information and knowledge of what the risks are. Having sex for the first time is a big step, please ensure it is something you both want, and neither partner is being pressured into something they are not ready for. We would also recommend using lube for anal sex, due to the lack of natural lubrication in the arse, this will also help reduce any pain. If you live in Swindon, we can order free condoms and/or lube from our website. Please get back in touch if you would like further advice on this subject

Answered by team member Matt
11th March 2013

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

There is a chance you might haveincurred a penile fracture. The popping sound you mention is an indication of this. A penile fracture normally results in the penis going limp, with significant pain and brusing to the area. Since you don't mention any of these other symptoms this might not be what has happened, but we would recommend seeking medical help from your GP on this issue as leaving a penile fracture could result in further issues around maintaining an erection.

Regarding the fluid coming out of your penis, I don't know if this could be related to your injury, but the most common reason for a discharge from the penis, that is not cum or pre cum, would be an STI (sexually transmitted infection) such as chlamydia or gonorrhea. The pain when you urinate could also come from an STI. These can be tested for at your local GUM clinic, or when you see you GP regarding the possible penile fracture.

If you have any further questions please come back to our site or give us a call, but we would recommend seeing your GP soon.

Answered by team member Matt
22nd December 2010

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Hello and thanks for getting in touch with MSH. What you are discribing is a situation called Retractile Testicles. When a man becomes sexually aroused, a number of different muscles involuntarily contract which regulates everything from blood supply, to positioning of the genitals. One such muscle is called the Cremaster muscle, which lifts the testicles up. This usually happens when a male is extremely aroused. And it will naturally descend when no longer aroused. The problem occurs when/if it doesn't return to its testicle sack, if this was to ever occur you should visit your GP or A/E to get it manipulated out, but this is extremely rare to occur, but just worth noting. So yes please don't worry, this happens to lots of men, but not all. We hope this has put you mind at ease, please do get back in touch if you have any further concerns.

Answered by team member Matt
9th April 2013

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Hello and thank you for contacting MSH with your concern. Most men will find they have difficulty getting an erection, or hard, at sometime in their life. This is entirely normal and can happen for a number of reasons, both physical and psychological. As you do not give us much information to go on, it is hard to say what could be contributing to this problem, but if you have a look through the questions and answers on this page, you will find a lot of advice about differing situations. As a first step, try not to focus on the problem and relax. The more pressure you put on yourself to get hard, the more difficult it will become. It is worth having a look at everyday factors in your life that may be causing you worry, as these things can effect your ability to relax and become sexually aroused. If you are able to discuss this with your wife, she may be able to help further put your mind at ease and you two can explore being intimate without having sexual intercourse, take the pressure of getting and maintaining an erection off of you and allowing you to enjoy yourself more. Things like smoking, drinking and being overweight can also effect your ability to have a strong erection. If you are worried that there is actually something physically wrong with you, it is wise to book an appointment to see a doctor, where they can give you further advice and perhaps prescribe medication is the problem is ongoing and serious. Please do have a read through our past questions and see if there is anything you can specifically relate to, or if you have further information you would like to share, please get back in touch with us.

Answered by team member Mara
17th August 2013

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Hello any thanks for posting your question. Let me assure you, masturbation is perfectly normal and will not affect the size of your penis. The avarage size of the male penis when erect is between 5-6 inches, so you are not small, this is perfectly normal and big enough to perform sexually. No two penis or balls are the same, some are big, some are small, just like your balls, everyone is different and this should be embraced, not something to be worried or embarrassed about. There are many website that claim to sell pills or tools that will make a penis bigger, please do not be fooled by such claims, there is no way other than risky surgery to do this. If you feel this is affecting your life a lot, maybe you should look into getting counseling, many men suffer from self-esteem issue around the size of their penis and ability to perform in the bedroom, if you live in Swindon we can help arrange free counselling for you. Please do get back in touch if you would like this, or if we can offer any further support.

Answered by team member Matt
15th December 2012

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Hello and thanks for getting in touch with us. What you are describing is a case of Erectile Dysfunction. This is when a man finds it difficult to get or maintain an erection. There are generally two types of ED, Physiological or Psychological. Physiological issues include - deterioration of the arteries (this is more common in older men), diabetes, smoking, alcoholism, overweight, hormone problems. Psychological issues include, Stress: which could be job related, money issues, relationship issues etc, Anxiety: Once a man experiences ED, he may become overly worried that the problem will happen again. This can lead to "performance anxiety," or a fear of sexual failure, and consistently lead to ED, Guilt: A man may feel guilty that he is not satisfying his partner, Depression : A common cause of ED, depression affects a person physically and psychologically. Depression can cause ED even when a man is completely comfortable in sexual situations. Drugs used to treat depression may also cause ED, Low self-esteem: This can be due to prior episodes of ED (thus a feeling of inadequacy) or can be the result of other issues unrelated to sexual performance, also Childhood abuse has been related to ED. Some men suffer with more than one of the above issues, as some of these cause some of the others to occur. We would recommend speaking to your GP/Doctor so they can determine if it a physiological issue or a psychological issue. The best way to solve psychological ED is therapy with a professional counsellor sex therapist. Discussing you anxiety and fears and concerns will be a big step in dealing with them and overcoming them. If its physiological they will be able to run the appropriate tests and prescribe the right course of treatment for this, please do not seek medications online, you risk being prescribed the wrong medicine or worse, purchasing fake medicine that could end up doing more harm than good, so please make an appointment with your own doctor so they can explore what is causing this.

Answered by team member Matt
8th November 2013

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Thank you for contacting Men's Seuxal Health. You seem to have two concerns, your penis not getting hard and ejaculating (discharge) too soon. I will attempt to address both these issue. First, erection problems are either a physical issue, or psychological issue. Most men have experienced some form of erectile issue during their life, some its a passing phase, others it can be a longer issue where support is needed, and that could be medical or psychological depending on whats causing it

For example some Physical issues include - deterioration of the arteries (this is more common in older men), diabetes, smoking, alcoholism, overweight, hormone problems. And some Psychological issues include - anxiety/nerves, relationship problems, depression, exhaustion, stress, childhood abuse.

It is unlikely the fact that you go to the gym that is causing this, usually the fact that you go to the gym is a positive good thing, and would normally effect the body in a good way.

Regarding your second issue, discharging too soon, again many men suffer from Premature ejaculation, a recent UK survey said 10% of male population had suffered with PE at some point in their life. Another European study classed PE as lasting around 1.8 mins, and with 7.3 mins being classed as normal, would you say you fall into this first category as what you class as PE might not be PE. There are initially 4 treatments for PE - 1) Distraction method - when you are nearing climax, think about something comepletely different than whats going on. 2) Applying a delay gel to your penis, this will decrease sensitivity and hopefully improve your duration. 3) Delay condoms, this are coated with the delay gel and with the added thickness of the condom this too will help improve your duration. 4) start stop method - when alone try masterbating till u reach the point where you are going to climax but stop yourself, repeat this 3 or 4 times to build up your own self control, and then allow yourself to climax, after a few times a week doing this, you should find yourself lasting longer. The penis will naturally lose erection most times after ejaculation, but after a short period of rest time, some men are able to get erect and ejaculate again. Again it is unlikely that going to the gym is causing this issue either. The fact you are suffering from both erection and premature ejaculation makes me think you have more of a psychological problem to overcome than anything going on with your body physically. We would suggest trying some sexual therapy/counselling, if you live in the Swindon area we can provide this for free. You could also discuss this with your GP/Doctor to confirm there is no underlying health issues going on and they should also be able to suggest a good counselling service if they also think you would benefit from such treatment. Please get back in touch if you need any further advice or support.

Answered by team member Matt
12th February 2013

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Hello and thanks for getting in contact with us. Masturbating/handpumping will not stop you from becoming a father. Most men will continue to masturbate for most of there life, this is normal and healthy. However some may stop for a few weeks when they are trying for a baby to ensure they have a good amount of sperm when having sex, but the body reproduces sperm at a fast rate within 24hrs, so maybe refrain for a couple of days before having sex in the hopes of making a baby, but your certainly don't need to stop all together at some point in your life. We hope this has helped with your concern please get back in touch if we can help further

Answered by team member Matt
15th October 2013

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Your questions confuse me a bit. When do you feel tired?

Sometimes there is leakage of semen in your urine if you have been aroused a little while earlier – this is normal

What makes you think your penis is too short? 

If your sperms come out early, is this during masturbation, during sex, or even before you touch your penis? 

If you can write giving some more information we may be able to help with some advice

Answered by team member Dr Peter
9th January 2016

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Thank you for getting in touch with Men's Sexual Health. When you say puss, I'm assuming you mean semen/sperm/cum. All men are different regarding how much cum/puss they produce and how far it shots, what it looks like, what it tastes like etc. In sex website, porn, it doesn't generally reflect your average man, the men will generally be very well built, have big cocks and shot lots of cum, and many many men find watching porn depressing as they don't match up to what they see on the screen. Do not get upset by this, what happens in porn is unrealistic for most of the population. However you could try two methods which may increase how much you shot. One safe technique is called 'edging' where a man during masturbation/wanking/hand practice will stop masturbating just before he cums/shoots, lets the moment pass and then slowly continues till he nearly reaches cumming/climax again and stops, this is repeated for a while till he can last no more and most will find this produces bigger, stronger orgasms and more cum. The second safe method is trying kegel exercises/pc muscle. When going to the toilet to pee/urinate, try stopping mid flow, the muscle you contract to stop peeing is the PC muscle, try contracting and releasing that during any time of the day for a few minutes each day, exercising this muscle, this is also meant to help you have bigger and more intense orgasms. But ultimately try not to worry, some men shot a lot and some men don't, its not a big deal. Please get back in touch if we can help any further.

Answered by team member Matt
13th February 2013

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Premature Ejaculation is a very common condition, with reports of well over 50% of men being affected at some time in their lives, for some men, it is a temporary problem, and for others it can be a longer term problem.



There are many factors that can cause this ranging from depression through to a highly sensitive Glans (Head of the Penis). However, in most cases, the cause can be treated very easily.



There are various different ways of helping to overcome this condition, and it will depend on the cause, in some cases it may be about how you are having sexual intercourse, and in some cases it may be that some medication is needed.



We would suggest making an appointment to see your own GP, it is appreciated that you may feel quite embarrassed to discuss this, but please be assured that this is one condition your GP deals with very frequently. Remember this is one of those conditions that men rarely talk about, so not only can you feel embarrassed to talk to your GP about it, but you rarely hear of it simple because men don’t tell others about it



Once the GP has seen you, they will be best able to recommend what will work with you, thus alleviating this problem.

Answered by team member Tim
18th January 2010