Q&As Tagged Questions

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Hello and thanks for getting in touch with us. What you are describing is a case of Erectile Dysfunction. This is when a man finds it difficult to get or maintain an erection. There are generally two types of ED, Physiological or Psychological. Physiological issues include - deterioration of the arteries (this is more common in older men), diabetes, smoking, alcoholism, overweight, hormone problems. Psychological issues include, Stress: which could be job related, money issues, relationship issues etc, Anxiety: Once a man experiences ED, he may become overly worried that the problem will happen again. This can lead to "performance anxiety," or a fear of sexual failure, and consistently lead to ED, Guilt: A man may feel guilty that he is not satisfying his partner, Depression : A common cause of ED, depression affects a person physically and psychologically. Depression can cause ED even when a man is completely comfortable in sexual situations. Drugs used to treat depression may also cause ED, Low self-esteem: This can be due to prior episodes of ED (thus a feeling of inadequacy) or can be the result of other issues unrelated to sexual performance, also Childhood abuse has been related to ED. Some men suffer with more than one of the above issues, as some of these cause some of the others to occur.

Are you able to get an erection when you masturabte alone, if you are then it probably shows that there is nothing wrong physiologically with you and this it is more of a psychological issue.

We would recommend speaking to your GP/Doctor so they can determine if it a physiological issue or a psychological issue. The best way to solve psychological ED is therapy with a professional counsellor sex therapist. Discussing you anxiety and fears and concerns will be a big step in dealing with them and overcoming them. Being open and honest with your partner will help this, and may benefit in both attending therapy. If its physiological they will be able to run the appropriate tests and prescribe the right course of treatment for this, please do not seek medications online, you risk being prescribed the wrong medicine or worse, purchasing fake medicine that could end up doing more harm than good, so please make an appointment with your own doctor. But based on what you have said in your question, its prob psychological, performance anxiety, so counselling may help. Please let us know if we can be of further help.

Answered by team member Matt
1st November 2013

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

The problem you feel you are having actually sounds quite normal. After a man ejaculates, his penis usually becomes soft, returning to its smaller pre-erect state. He will usually need some time to recover, before he can have another erection and ejaculation. This recovery period is called the refractory period, and generally, is quicker for younger men. Some men can have an erection immediately afterwards, some can have a few orgasms/ejaculations in a few hours, whilst others take longer to become erect again. It all falls within the normal parameters of sexual health!

If you had difficulty maintaining an erection during sex, in your circumstance, the most likely cause would be mental; due to the problems you are having in your relationship. Erectile dysfunction, when your penis goes soft during when you don’t want it to, has many causes, both physical and mental and affects most men at some point in their life. To help prevent these kinds of problems in the future, you need to address your relationship issues with your girlfriend. If you've been fighting, even if you're having makeup sex, you most likely have residual worries that weigh on you that can affect you both. She may be experiencing similar feelings of worry, making it difficult for her to orgasm. If you two can work on your relationship issues, and not fight so much, it will no doubt ease the pressure you feel when you are having sex, as wedll as make life together happier! If you are finding that you ejaculate too quickly, again, your mind can play a large part in that. One thing you can try is using condoms, as they can help reduce sensitivity. There are also special condoms and lubricant you can use, that have a slight numbing effect on the penis, to help you last longer. The Delay brand, by Pasante or Performa by Durex, along with other store brands like Boots are specially made to help with premature ejaculation. These products prolong lovemaking by using a low dosage skin numbing ingredient like benzocaine, to reduce sensitivity and postpone orgasm. I hope this all helps. Please get back to us if you have any more questions or worries.

Answered by team member Mara
11th October 2010

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Hi Dave,

Thanks for coming to us with your concern. This is obviously a serious problem for you, effecting you not only physically, but mentally and no doubt emotionally as well. There are many factors to take into consideration when trying to understand what the cause of spontaneous ejaculation could be, from physical to psychological to stimulation and medication, among other things. Though you've given a description of your problem, there are still many questions to be asked in order to get an idea which direction one would need to look for an answer.

Sometimes, these kind of problems can be linked to issues with an enlarged prostate, however, this generally happens to older men, and, as this has been going on since what appears to be your teens, it's probably not likely. Some medications (including antidepressants) can have the side effect of spontaneous ejaculation. It could be something as simple as too much stimulation that you're not aware of. Perhaps if you switched to briefs instead of boxers it might help. It is difficult to advise you with any kind of certainty as to the definate cause. The best course of action is for you to visit your GP who will be able to take a medical history and ask all the necessary questions, before advising you in this case. Hope this helps. Please let us know the outcome, as we are very curious ourselves.

Answered by team member Mara
29th September 2010

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Well, we wouldn't call you a medical curiosity, but it would be interesting to know what the underlying cause is, especially in case anyone else came along who suffered the same problem! As for bothering your doctor, don't worry about that, you have a genuine concern. It would be best to have this looked at sooner rather than later. Though the condition may not bother you now, it may become more difficult to cope with as you age. From what you describe, it doesn't seem to show signs of letting up. GP's are used to patients being uncomfortable with discussing certain issues and should handle the situation professionally in a way to put you at ease. Men can be notoriously reluctant to visit medical professionals when it comes to their health... So, it's part of our job to give you a gentle nudge to make that dreaded appointment... We look forward to hearing from you again!

Answered by team member Mara
30th September 2010

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Hello and thanks for getting in touch with us. There are two areas for erectile dysfunction, it is either a physiological issue or a psychological issue. As you are able to get an erection when masturbating, this shows it is not a physiological issue, just a psychological issue. What is it about pre-cum that causes you to lose your erection, as surely this also gets produced when you are masturbating. You seem to be suffering with some form of performance anxiety, you may benefit from some of sexual therapy/counselling to get over this issue. Please get in touch if you have further info/help needed.

Answered by team member Matt
11th September 2013

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

We all have different penis sizes and shapes. You can't change what you have, although there are a few surgical ways of trying to make your penis more prominent. But actually there are plenty of guys with a penis much shorter than your 4 inches who can and do have good sex. You might like to read the section on our website about penis size. We hope that this information helps, worrying about performance and size will unfortunately contribute to the problems you describe, try not to worry about it and try to focus on other aspects of sex. You might find this response to a previous question helpful too:

Question on Erectile Dysfunction

You say you are overweight, this almost certainly means that the base of your penis is hidden in some fat. It would look and measure more if you could lose weight – we have a section on ideal weight range for your height and weight loss help.

Answered by team member Dr Peter
9th January 2016

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Given your husband's age combined with the symptom of spontaneous ejaculation, the most likely cause of his problem is an enlarged prostate, resulting on oversensitivity. Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia (BPH) is a condition in which the prostate becomes enlarged as part of the aging process. Most commonly, it effects urination, often restricting the flow, or even in later stages, contributing to UTI's. When the Prostate, also referred to as 'the Male G-Spot' is stimulated or massaged, it can result in an orgasm without an erection. If your husband is doing work that requires abdominal loading or pelvic straining, it may be putting pressure on his potentially enlarged prostate, thus resulting in ejaculation. As for the difficulty ejaculating during sex, normally BHP would result in easier to attain ejaculation; however, it could be restricting with an erection.

Being highly sexed is a good thing for your husband. Regular ejaculation allows testosterone to flow freely and is known to reduce the risk of prostate problems and cancer in men. Masturbation is sometimes recommended for men who experience delayed ejaculation issues.

The best course of action is for your husband to speak to his GP. He will need to go further into detail about what kind of activities bring on ejaculation and if he is taking any kind of medication. Please encourage him to visit his GP as soon as he can. We’d love to hear back from you to find out what the final diagnosis is. Please don’t hesitate to contact us again if we can be of any help.

Answered by team member Mara
21st June 2010

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Hi, thank you for posting your question. The role's of Top (active) and Bottom (passive) in a relationship are differnt for each couple and for each person, there is no correct role to play, other than the role you are comfortable with yourself, you should never feel pressured to fit into a role you do not feel 100% comfortable with. Some men are 100% top and will never want to bottom and this can be for many reasons, each man with have his own answer, the same goes for some men who are 100% bottom. However some men are also versitile and will do either, you may also find men who will put it into a percentage when asked about their role saying "I'm 70% top, and 30% bottom" so guy who generally prefers to top than bottom, but is willing to bottom when he wants to. Also however, some, not all, will change roles as they get older, this could be because they acquire a new partner who is a differnt role, or because they want to experiment. For those that do try a different role, some will enjoy it and become versitile, and some will not enjoy and stick to the role than had before. Ultimately everyone is an individual and will chose their own role, and this could change over the course of the years, but not always. From what you have said, it sounds like you are finding it difficult to top, this could be for many reasons, but it sounds mainly psychological, you for whatever reason do not feel comfortable taking on that role. You should find a time, not during sex, to sit down with your partner and discus this issue, he should understand your concerns and uncertainty and acknowledge the role you are most comfortable with, you should never feel pressure to peform a role you are not happy to do, explain this to him and hopefully he will understand. Over time, you may feel for willing and wanting to try and top, but you may not as this is not a negative thing. If you partner is wanting to bottom and you are not keen to top then maybe suggest introducing some sex toys into the relationship, purchasing a dildo could fufil that desire your partner has. I hope he understands, and you can go on to have a healthy safe sex life. Feel free to get back in touch if you have any further comments or questions.

Answered by team member Matt
15th March 2012

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like you are describing pre-cum, not all men get this, and those that do it can vary from just a little leak to a lot, but let me reasure you this is perfectly normall. Pre-cum is a clear fluid that emits from the tip of the penis when a man is sexually aroused, and its purpose is to act as a lubricant (please be aware this can transmit STI, HIV and can contain sperm if you are not using barrier methods such as condoms to have safe sex with). In very rare cases some men over produce this, if this is the case I would discuss with you GP if possible.

Regarding the cumming very fast, this could be for various reasons, and I wouldn't say it has anything to do with your pre-cum. Many men suffer from Premature ejaculation, a recent UK survey said 10% of male population had suffered with PE at some point in their life. Another European study classed PE as lasting around 1.8 mins, and with 7.3 mins being classed as normal, would you say you fall into this first category as what you class as PE might not be PE. There are initially 4 treatments for PE - 1) Distraction method - when you are nearing climax, think about something comepletely different than whats going on. 2) Applying a delay gel to your penis, this will decrease sensitivity and hopefully improve your duration. 3) Delay condoms, this are coated with the delay gel and with the added thickness of the condom this too will help improve your duration. 4) start stop method - when alone try masterbating till u reach the point where you are going to climax but stop yourself, repeat this 3 or 4 times to build up your own self control, and then allow yourself to climax, after a few times a week doing this, you should find yourself lasting longer.

Regarding the itchy end of your penis, if you masturbate too often then yes the penis could become sore, but there could also be other reasons, it could be a reaction to soap or cleaning product you are currently using, or it could be and Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI), again I would recommend going to you doctor/GP and explain your concerns and get tested as most STI's can be treated.

Please get back to us if you still have any further concerns.

Answered by team member Matt
7th July 2011

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Ejaculating very quickly ("premature ejaculation") is quite a common problem and it often settles down and stops happening as you get older and more experienced sexually.

When you are having sex with someone else, a longer period of foreplay without touching your penis can improve it for you both. Try to find things to do for each other which feel nice without any contact with your penis. Then, if you go inside her, if you pull out again soon before you reach a climax and you (or your partner) squeeze your penis hard below the head, this will usually stop the climax and after a few moments you can start again. You can also try this technique when you are masturbating and see if you can control your orgasm and cum later.

There is professional help available from sex therapists if you are able to see one of them

Answered by team member Dr Peter
9th January 2016

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Smegma is a natural secretion,produced by both men and women. This cheesy, sebaceous matter collects between the glans of the penis and the forskin, and is entirely normal. By washing your genitals at least once a day, making sure to retract the foreskin and get rid of any smegma, you will help keep your penis healthy and odour free. With daily washing, smegma will wash away. It will not remain in a hard lump stuck to your penis. It is likely what you see is an entirely normal condition called 'pearly penile papules,' which are small bumps that often form around the rim of the glans. These should be painless and benign, but if you have any worries about it, book an appointment to see your GP who should be able to put you mind at ease. If you have had unprotected sex, you should go to your local sexual health clinic to rule out the possibility of any STI's. If you would like more help with this, please give us a call: 01380 801951.

Answered by team member Mara
8th February 2011

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

There is a chance you might haveincurred a penile fracture. The popping sound you mention is an indication of this. A penile fracture normally results in the penis going limp, with significant pain and brusing to the area. Since you don't mention any of these other symptoms this might not be what has happened, but we would recommend seeking medical help from your GP on this issue as leaving a penile fracture could result in further issues around maintaining an erection.

Regarding the fluid coming out of your penis, I don't know if this could be related to your injury, but the most common reason for a discharge from the penis, that is not cum or pre cum, would be an STI (sexually transmitted infection) such as chlamydia or gonorrhea. The pain when you urinate could also come from an STI. These can be tested for at your local GUM clinic, or when you see you GP regarding the possible penile fracture.

If you have any further questions please come back to our site or give us a call, but we would recommend seeing your GP soon.

Answered by team member Matt
22nd December 2010

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Hi and thank for getting in touch with MSH. Many men suffer from Premature ejaculation, a recent UK survey said 10% of male population had suffered with PE at some point in their life. Another European study classed PE as lasting around 1.8 mins, and with 7.3 mins being classed as normal. Obviously yours in fairly serve case of PE as you cum before stating sex. There are initially 4 treatments for PE - 1) Distraction method - when you are nearing climax, think about something comepletely different than whats going on. 2) Applying a delay gel to your penis, this will decrease sensitivity and hopefully improve your duration. 3) Delay condoms, these are coated with the delay gel and with the added thickness of the condom this too will help improve your duration. 4) start stop method - when alone try masterbating till u reach the point where you are going to climax but stop yourself, repeat this 3 or 4 times to build up your own self control, and then allow yourself to climax, after a few times a week doing this, you should find yourself lasting longer. Solution number 4 is prob going to help the most, the longer you can last on your own, the more chance you can use this technique in a relationship. Regarding when you go to the toilet, if you are no longer masturbating, when having a bowl movement, it could be pressing on your prostate, which is causing some seminal fluid to come out your penis as you are not expelling this from masturbation so your getting a build up of this. However if you have had unprotected sex, then this could possibly be a discharge from a sexually transmitted infection. Either way, we would suggest you seek advice from your GP/Doctor to diagnose and treat this issue further. We hope this has helped with your issue.

Answered by team member Matt
28th August 2013

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

It sounds like a big part of the problem between you and your husband is communicating with each other. The longer your situation continues when you are trying to be intimate, the more difficult it will be to address. It may seem hard for you to sit down and speak with your husband about these sensitive issues, but that is the best chance to work through your problem. It is not uncommon for couples to experience sexual problems, and for both people to get frustrated. If the two of you can start talking about what is happening, you can try to come up with solutions, together. If you find it too difficult to speak with him alone, there are professionals who can help you. Please feel free to contact us for more help with this matter: 01380-801951

Answered by team member Mara
22nd March 2011

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Our penises  are made up from three "inflatable tubes", at the front (when soft) there are two, and one at the back. They are often different sizes. We are all different shapes and this isn't usually a problem. Your doctor can easily check you if you are worried. And we all have times when the penis is very hard and other times when it doesn't get so hard, because we are less excited tired or stressed. This is normal and you shouldn't worry.

Answered by team member Dr Peter
8th December 2015

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Hello and thanks for getting in touch with us. What you are describing is a case of Erectile Dysfunction. This is when a man finds it difficult to get or maintain an erection. There are generally two types of ED, Physiological or Psychological. Physiological issues include - deterioration of the arteries (this is more common in older men), diabetes, smoking, alcoholism, overweight, hormone problems. Psychological issues include, Stress: which could be job related, money issues, relationship issues etc, Anxiety: Once a man experiences ED, he may become overly worried that the problem will happen again. This can lead to "performance anxiety," or a fear of sexual failure, and consistently lead to ED, Guilt: A man may feel guilty that he is not satisfying his partner, Depression : A common cause of ED, depression affects a person physically and psychologically. Depression can cause ED even when a man is completely comfortable in sexual situations. Drugs used to treat depression may also cause ED, Low self-esteem: This can be due to prior episodes of ED (thus a feeling of inadequacy) or can be the result of other issues unrelated to sexual performance, also Childhood abuse has been related to ED. Some men suffer with more than one of the above issues, as some of these cause some of the others to occur. We would recommend speaking to your GP/Doctor so they can determine if it a physiological issue or a psychological issue. The best way to solve psychological ED is therapy with a professional counsellor sex therapist. Discussing you anxiety and fears and concerns will be a big step in dealing with them and overcoming them. If its physiological they will be able to run the appropriate tests and prescribe the right course of treatment for this, please do not seek medications online, you risk being prescribed the wrong medicine or worse, purchasing fake medicine that could end up doing more harm than good, so please make an appointment with your own doctor so they can explore what is causing this.

Answered by team member Matt
8th November 2013

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

This sounds quite complicated and we can only give you some general advice.

The treatment for your Chlamydia will have worked unless you didn’t finish it or you have since had sex with someone who has got it. It doesn’t cause shrinking testicles.

At a guess you might have had swollen testicle and tubes (called epididymitis) with the infection. The swelling would go down after it was treated and cured. This might make you feel as if your testicle had shrunk.

Most people can’t feel fluid going through the tube that drains the balls – we wonder how you know that no fluid was going through them?

The inflatable tubes that fill with blood to make an erection (called corpora cavernosa) actually start in the gooch area (perineum) well behind your ball bag (scrotum). When you get hard you should be able to feel the base of your penis filling up and hard there too.

Ejaculating very quickly ("premature ejaculation") is quite a common problem but is unlikely to be connected with the other things you mention.

If you are talking about sex with someone else, a longer period of foreplay without touching your penis can improve it for you both.  If you pull out before you reach a climax and you (or your partner) squeeze your penis hard below the head, this will usually stop the climax and after a few moments you can start again. You can also try this technique when you  are masturbating and see if you can control your orgasm and cum later.

There is professional help available from sex therapists if you are able to see one of them

Answered by team member Dr Peter
8th December 2015

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Thank you for contacting Men's Seuxal Health. You seem to have two concerns, your penis not getting hard and ejaculating (discharge) too soon. I will attempt to address both these issue. First, erection problems are either a physical issue, or psychological issue. Most men have experienced some form of erectile issue during their life, some its a passing phase, others it can be a longer issue where support is needed, and that could be medical or psychological depending on whats causing it

For example some Physical issues include - deterioration of the arteries (this is more common in older men), diabetes, smoking, alcoholism, overweight, hormone problems. And some Psychological issues include - anxiety/nerves, relationship problems, depression, exhaustion, stress, childhood abuse.

It is unlikely the fact that you go to the gym that is causing this, usually the fact that you go to the gym is a positive good thing, and would normally effect the body in a good way.

Regarding your second issue, discharging too soon, again many men suffer from Premature ejaculation, a recent UK survey said 10% of male population had suffered with PE at some point in their life. Another European study classed PE as lasting around 1.8 mins, and with 7.3 mins being classed as normal, would you say you fall into this first category as what you class as PE might not be PE. There are initially 4 treatments for PE - 1) Distraction method - when you are nearing climax, think about something comepletely different than whats going on. 2) Applying a delay gel to your penis, this will decrease sensitivity and hopefully improve your duration. 3) Delay condoms, this are coated with the delay gel and with the added thickness of the condom this too will help improve your duration. 4) start stop method - when alone try masterbating till u reach the point where you are going to climax but stop yourself, repeat this 3 or 4 times to build up your own self control, and then allow yourself to climax, after a few times a week doing this, you should find yourself lasting longer. The penis will naturally lose erection most times after ejaculation, but after a short period of rest time, some men are able to get erect and ejaculate again. Again it is unlikely that going to the gym is causing this issue either. The fact you are suffering from both erection and premature ejaculation makes me think you have more of a psychological problem to overcome than anything going on with your body physically. We would suggest trying some sexual therapy/counselling, if you live in the Swindon area we can provide this for free. You could also discuss this with your GP/Doctor to confirm there is no underlying health issues going on and they should also be able to suggest a good counselling service if they also think you would benefit from such treatment. Please get back in touch if you need any further advice or support.

Answered by team member Matt
12th February 2013

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Hi, thanks for getting in touch. Many men at some stage in their life will encounter erection problems for one reason or another, and its either a psychological problem, or a physiological problem that is causing this. You say this is the first time its happened to him, but start by saying you are having problems and process of over coming them, if he is feeling at all pressured/stressed/inadequate this could be having a knock on effect and be causing his erectile dysfunction. Regarding his dbol usage, it is not stated as a side effect, however other users have suffered a loss of libido (sex drive) and erections when taking this, as it can result in lowered levels of testosterone, however you say he's been taking it a while and this is the firs time its happened, does he find he has strong erections when he masterbates? Does he feel is sex drive has decresed?. A few ideas, maybe get him to refrain from taking dbol for a while if this is possible to see if he's levels pick back up. Going back to your opening line, have you thought about counselling to help work past whatever issues there as, as like I said if this is playing on his mind, it could be what is causing his loss of erections. Feel free to get back in touch if you have any more info or questions about this. I hope things improve for you both in the near future.

Answered by team member Matt
5th March 2012

Response from Men's Sexual Health:

Hello and thanks for getting in touch with us. A mans erection can vary from day to day, sometimes its stronger/harder than other days due to a number of factors. Maybe if you abstain a few days, you may find your sexual desire stronger resulting in a stronger erection. You may also be suffering with a mild case of Erectile Dysfunction caused by worry and concern, if you have had a weak erection one day, the next time you worry it will happen again and this worry will of course effect your ability to maintain a strong erection, and thus is worries you even more and it is a ongoing cycle. Try to not put too much stress on getting a strong erection, enjoy taking handpractise slowly, enjoy exploring your body, what sexually excites you and hopefully you will find you body reacts accordingly. You may benefit from some sexual therapy/counselling if it continues or talking with your GP/Doctor to rule our any underlying issue. We hope this has helped ease your concern.

Answered by team member Matt
8th November 2013